H for ....H4!

Hello,

I am H4.

That's not so much as a statement anymore than definition of me in this country. 

That's not just my status anymore, it pretty much defines what I can and cannot do.

That's not just a stamp on my visa, it's pretty much my identity.

Some experienced brushed by the Texan air for a long time commented, "Oh hi, you are on dependent...that must suck". Oh no I thought..what would they know..I have all the time in the world to do everything I always wanted.

A long vacation is what I call/called it. My mood as on now would say ..umm., called.

Each day, the H4 status sinks me in more and more in different ways.

I cannot work, I cannot earn, I have a 3 years Bachelors-so I cannot really study.. but life is good otherwise.

I try to apply for volunteering work..maybe they never call me back because they don't know how to pronounce my name? I don't know, I try to call some of the non-profit organizations confidently encompassing my work experience of 6 years-but it's complicated for them or I am not good enough..Apart from that life's good.

Each day starts with a hope to do something productive, each day ends with a reality check..Apart from that life's good.

I can cook and cook, oh ya discover baking, post pictures, rediscover the joy in editing my images, doing all kinds of crafts..it's fun. It's fun for a while. Library is great, you have access to amazing books, you can dwell for a while. Call me too impatient. Call me too distracted. I need to be productive. I want to be a productive.

But for some reason I cannot. I do not understand why. Keep reading numerous posts, forums, optimistic thoughts, cynical issues, pessimistic.. hopeless...rantings. 

Yesss I am optimistic most of the times but so many doors keep shutting off one by one, it would rue off and shoo off anyone. If you never one, you would become a couch potato. 

I miss my bike. I cannot drive as yet, yes totally my fault. But even if I could...I don't really have anywhere to go..ya ya..the malls and the shopping don't feel any good either after a point of time.

Anyways, my point is.

Don't blame me for ranting, yes I know I could have planned better. But heck, I want to 'document' this. One day, when I drive in the right lane, swiping my i.d card, getting my coffee breaks...I want to remember this.

You are do &&^(^%%(ing with me dreamland!!!